Hey friends,
I’ve missed seeing your Facebook updates and perhaps you have noticed
that I haven’t been present on Facebook. Tomorrow will mark two months since, I
departed from Facebook. In that two-month period, I only logged in to post a
prayer update for our ministry in Dallas. Over the last couple days, I’ve
been back on and trolling. Yesterday, I commented on a friend’s post, that I
wanted to contribute to. I guess, now if you are reading this, I have officially
posted an update.
The purpose of this post is not to outline why I decided to
step away, but rather what I have learned about myself over the last couple
months. I think I should add that stepping away from Facebook has not been the
only changes I have made in my life. Yet, I have found that abstaining from things,
good, bad, or indifferent, have a way of revealing features of our character.
It’s not typically good things or things we are comfortable talking about. Yet,
I think it is important to feed the culture of transparency. Because it is the
masks we wear that hide our deficiencies, even from ourselves.
During my time away from Facebook, I learned,
During my time away from Facebook, I learned,
- I am a people pleaser.
I had not considered myself a
people pleaser. I typically, to my fault, have been very blunt at times.
Especially, when it comes to Christians who are living contrary to Scripture
and being a negative witness to the Gospel. I had never been afraid of speaking
up and pointing out that at times the church has been inward focused and needs
to reacquaint itself with the world. I thought I was trying to please God
rather than man.
Although, it was during this time
that I was leading a group through a Bible study on Galatians 1:1-10. Specifically,
the Lord used verse 10 to reveal that I was people pleaser. The people I was
trying to please were just not the majority. The people I was trying to illicit
a response from were those who thought like me. Which means whatever truth (or
falsehood) I may have been speaking was being stated for the purpose of
pleasing a people who really wasn’t benefiting from what I had to say. God may
or may not have been honored by the content of my message, but too often the
motive was not as esteeming as I had thought. I had deceived myself.
- I put unnecessary expectations on myself, family, and ministry.
I don’t think this one needs much
explanation. It is very logical to see how a platform such as Facebook can
put unhealthy expectations on a person’s life. That knowledge should allow us
to have the wisdom to avoid these pitfalls, but again I found that I had
deceived myself. Both the culture and the church (influenced by culture) have
set up rubrics that lead us to expect more, quicker and easier. When we expect
more than what God has asked, we set ourselves up for failure, defeat,
depression, anxiety, and apprehension. Friends, let me remind you those are not
fruits of the Spirit.
I am in the process of trying to
undo what I have been taught success looks like. Growing up I was taught that
we chase the American Dream. I was taught to be selfish and consumeristic. I
was taught that image is everything. Six years ago, Jesus saved me by His
grace. Then the church starting teaching me what success looked like.
Unfortunately, it didn’t look too different than what the world had taught
success looked like. I recall a leader in the church teaching that a Christian
should be diligent in maintaining an impressive landscape because we want to
portray a positive image to the world. – Just WOW!
Then the Lord called me into ministry.
The metrics most churches and denominations use don’t look to much different
than what the world considers success. The church all too often has become an
industrial complex. It’s like we have
forgotten how to inductively search the Scriptures and let God’s revelation
inform what success looks like.
It was during my intentional time
away that I found how much Facebook was feeding this problem in my life. The
things we encounter shape our mind. I believe that is supported by Romans 12:2.
For 26 years, I was solely being conformed to this world. Then for the last six
years, it has been back and forth between being conformed and having my mind
renewed. Although, it is without question that Facebook is conforming my mind.
My time abiding in Jesus is renewing my mind. I am only deceiving myself if I
think that I can filter enough of the content to have my mind turned toward
heavenly things via Facebook.
- I am genuinely lonely.
This was a little bit of a surprise for me. I am
admittingly an introvert that can function in an extrovert fashion in limited
doses. So, I don’t mind being alone. Although, once I lost my superficial
connection with people on Facebook, it became alarming how unconnected I am. I
don’t mean that I am literally alone and don’t talk to people, but that I don’t
have relationships of any depth. The friendships I have had in the past severed
when I moved to Texas. With only a very few exceptions, I was out of sight and
out of mind.
Building relationships in a new city is
difficult. I have lots of connections. I have friends from the gym, friends in
the neighborhood, friends from the kid’s school, friends from church, and
friends where I don’t even remember how we got connected. There has not been
any depth built. It’s a work in progress. To be honest, I thought I was doing
pretty good building relationships in my neighborhood, but through withdrawing
from Facebook for a season I have realized that I was only deceiving myself. I
have noticed that during this time, I have been more diligent and successful in
deepening relationships.
Just this week, I was talking with a friend in
the neighborhood. His daughter is having a baby girl. She lives at home with
him. It started as a surface level conversation. It led to me gifting his
family some baby equipment. Eventually, it led to a
deeper level when he was sharing about his daughter moving out with her
boyfriend and the issues related with that. It was a messy, uncomfortable
conversation. Although, if we are to move beyond the surface. We should be
available, open, and ready to be uncomfortable. Anything that says otherwise is
deceiving you.
I would argue that Facebook is not evil. I
enjoy it. Although, if you haven’t picked up on the theme. Facebook is great at
deceiving you. Therefore, I am without question expecting many of you to
disagree with me. It’s because you are being deceived. You are a people
pleaser. You ascribe too much value to how people respond to your posts. You
compare yourself to others which places too much expectations on yourself. You are likely lonelier than you admit to yourself. You desire more
from your relationships.
If this resonates with you, let me invite you to take some time
away from Facebook and replace it with time getting to know the Jesus of the
Bible. When you follow Jesus, you don’t have to please people. You have pleased
God because of your identification of being in Christ. When you
abide in Jesus the expectations have been met. If you are lonely, find your
purpose in the Great Commission. Be purposeful to make connections with the
intention of going deep in a transparent discipleship relationship. Through all
of it Jesus promises to be with you until the end. Even so come.
